Thursday, September 3, 2015

Single. Not Broken. Part Two

Last week I shared with you my most popular guest post ever, an honest exposition on singleness by my friend Anna. Anna gives a voice to the single friends who haven't had the words to tell you just how it feels to be single in a couple world. If you missed last week's first installment, click Single, Not Broken. Part One. 

guest blog by Anna

Please don't try to fix me. I'm not broken.
Remember I told you last week you have a role in my singleness? Well, you do.

Interestingly, my singleness is often really difficult for people to encounter. They don’t get it. And they desperately want to “fix it” by saying things like: “Aw, you’re so great! How are you not married!?” “You just haven’t met the right one yet.” “Have you tried online dating?” “As soon as you stop looking, you’ll find him.” and my personal favorite, “You should date So-and-So! He’s single!” as if that’s my only qualifier.
I am not single for lack of opportunity. I don’t want just some guy.
I want and need a man who is passionately pursuing the heart of God. Only a man who says, “Yes, Lord! Now what was it you wanted?” will do. Only a man who chooses obedience over security and wants Kingdom things more than earthly things can be my partner in life.
I want these things in my own life and I need a husband who will point me back to Jesus every day as I pursue them. It’s a tall order, evidently. But we serve a God who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine.
So I continue to ask for a husband.

Listen to Me

It can be difficult being single. This is how you can help. 

There will be times when I just need to vent about the fact that it feels today like there are no eligible men on the planet Earth. Perhaps it’s a tad melodramatic, but can you just listen to me and nod in agreement? Say things like, “I’m sorry it feels like that right now” or “I know. I’m sorry.”

Every single time I hang out with a male, you will want to ask me if he is my boyfriend or a potential boyfriend. Please don’t. Trust me when I tell you that if I have a boyfriend, everyone will know.

But asking why I’m not dating the guy you saw me with or telling me how cute he is hurts my heart. Having to explain to you all of the reasons why he won’t be my husband (because of course I’ve thought about it!) reminds me that I still haven’t found the one that will.

Telling me how cute he is means nothing to me because I’m not blind. I can see that he’s cute. So what? That’s not enough.

Even though I may tell you he isn’t a Christian or that he’s in a relationship with someone else, please don't tell me I shouldn’t rule him out or that I’m too hard to please.

This implies that my being married is far more important than my being in the right relationship.

And I deserve more than that.

Include Me

Invite me to things.

Please don’t think that I won’t want to spend time with your family. I love your kids. Please don’t think that I won’t want to be involved in your women’s ministry because most of the women are married and “not in the same season of life” as I am. I need to be poured into by women of faith. I do not begrudge you your marriage or family; don’t be afraid of my singleness.

If you know a single (age-appropriate) man that is passionately pursuing Jesus and, somehow, isn’t married, pray about introducing us. Please don’t just name every single guy you know or barely know as a prime candidate.

Please don’t imply that there must be something I haven’t surrendered to the Lord or that the Lord needs to deal with me before I find “the one.” Show me where the Bible says that we have to be perfect in our spiritual journeys to find a mate and I’ll buy you a steak dinner.

When you don’t know what to say, say “I have no idea what to say.”

Early on in my North African experience, my mentor/colleague and I met for coffee one day and I was having a particularly good mope about being single. She said the best thing. She said, “By the time I was your age, I was married and had three kids so I have no idea what you’re going through. But I will listen if you need me.” It’s no wonder we are now dear friends.

Pray for Me

Please don’t try to fix me. I’m not broken. I’m just single. 

Instead of a husband, I have a tender heart, battered and bruised by unmet expectations and desires not met. My heart may be tender because I want a partner for my life, but it isn’t broken and there is nothing wrong with me.

Don’t feel sad for me or pity me. Pray for me. Pray that I will know God’s will for me and be content in it. Pray for my future husband, wherever he might be.

I’m single and I trust God. That’s it.

Have you felt like Anna? Or have you seen yourself in her descriptions of what not to do with your single friends? Share your thoughts with us and join the conversation!

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Please don't try to fix me. I'm not broken. I'm just #single. (Click to Tweet)





Anna is a people lover and world traveler. She is the co-founder of Initiate Hope, Inc., where she encourages people around the world to engage with the heart of God. 

Anna currently lives in the United Kingdom with her fur-child, Chico. She loves the beach, hiking in the Yorkshire Dales and gathering friends from different cultures around the dinner table. She is passionate about sharing the redeeming love of Christ with anyone who will listen.

You can connect with Anna and Initiate Hope at:
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/initiatehope
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/initiatehope



1 comment:

  1. Thankyou Anna. These last 2 posts have touched me deeply. I can empathise with so much of it. We all experience singleness differently, and the tips here are as helpful for myself as they are for "coupletons".

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