by Danetta Kellar
I lay in bed, feeling suffocated.
In the darkness, Fear seemed to have found himself on the center stage of my mind in a solo performance.
He loomed bigger than the ceiling and I saw for a moment how big I had actually allowed him to grow in me. During the daylight, in the rush of life, I had managed to dodge this realization. I noticed it in fleeting moments, some more gripping than others, but I had become an expert at deflection.
Not this night.
I had just spent almost two hours in a car driving along a highway in the rain, listening to one I dearly love pour out her sorrow. Grief is relentless in its squeezing, its paralyzing of the human heart. She was grieving the loss of one very dear to her and wanted to die too so she could be with him.
All I could do was reach behind my seat and hold her hand as I cried myself, my tears blending with the falling rain and making the car lights distort along the dark highway. We talked about the plans God has for her life, the very special work that only she can do in the world. And in my heart, I cried out, “Please, God, don’t let her long for heaven yet! Not yet, Lord!”
Fear grabbed me and whispered his terrible threats.
Hiding behind him came an entourage. Fears small and fears large, fears slithering and fears stomping. The crescendo deafened me.
“Jesus!” I cried out. In an instant, all was silent. There was no lag, no labor. The toxic spewing of His enemy and mine simply ceased.
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. Psalm 56:3
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Psalm 23:4
I call to God, and the Lord saves me. Psalm 55:16
He who watches over you will not slumber. Psalm 121:3
The promises stored up in my heart came tumbling across the meadows of my mind like a tinkling stream, their music making it hard to believe such darkness had covered me only moments before.
As I lay there upon my bed, listening to my Shepherd, He showed me how I had allowed fear to become an insipid, creeping, silent force in my life.
Gently and firmly, Jesus led me to His truth. His kindness led me to repentance. And I slept in peace, the enemy defeated.
Are you struggling with fear today? Have you become so busy you cannot see its tendrils choking the life in your days? I sure did. Run to His promises, cry out to the Shepherd. He has defeated fear, no matter what Fear would whisper to you today.